free write rant

Have you ever just wanted to sit down and start typing without really thinking about what would come out and how it would sound? Ever wish you could turn off the part of your brain that wants to censor your words and just lay it out. Bare. Cold. Hard. Just there.

I’m trying to do that now and wow it is not easy. I joke that I have the editor button in my head that is stuck “on” and I don’t know how to turn it off. Sometimes I wish I could read a text or an email from someone without noticing the errors. I think I would like the world a little better if I didn’t pick up on everyone who can’t seem to figure out the your/you’re conundrum.

I am probably one of the few people who likes Grammarly. I turn it into this weird contest of trying to type without seeing that little circle turn red. I hate seeing the red. If I think about it too much, I might realize that it’s part of some sickness or emotional issue where I am trying to be good enough. Good enough for Grammarly. Good enough at writing that I convince myself I am good enough in general. Or maybe I think too much and it’s just a stupid red circle and I need to get out more.

I feel like I am this odd bird who wants company, but also doesn’t want to give up my solace. I don’t want to give up my time and go through the sordid ordeal of opening up just so some other jerk can – I stopped because WordPress probably doesn’t like foul language. Dating sucks. There.

I’m not so resilient anymore. I should probably just give up, but sometimes my phone’s silence is just too annoying.

So yeah, bare. Good times, right?